• tunzlunz

FRIENDS & MEN DON'T MIX


My freshman year of college was absolutely insane. I'm talking movie insane, not as insane as Corona Virus, social distancing and protests, but like soap opera, DRAMATIC insane.


This story is about one of my downright awful friends - I have to make a disclaimer though, I have no ill will towards this girl (whose name I will be changing). And..if you were thinking this story has to do with a guy, you are right, its always about a guy right? Well most times it is.


I met this boy (let's call him Lucas) during the first semester of my freshman year, we had about two classes together and lived in the same building. Lucas and I were cordial and said “hi” whenever we ran into each other. During my second semester, I started seeing him out and about more often, so we started talking a little more and we instantly clicked.

I used to hang around with two girls, we will call one Drizella and the other one Anastasia. These girls were my closest friends. We were always together and I told them almost about everything, so they became friends with Lucas as well. Anastasia was a little weird and quiet and Drizella was the complete opposite. She was loud, always wanted attention on her, and very extroverted.


One day Lucas asked for my number and in the process he ended up getting Drizella’s number as well.

Lucas and I used to text often and it was always a full conversation - I’m talking long text messages and inside jokes. I didn't think anything of it because I had a guy best friend back home and Lucas actually reminded me of that best friend. 

People got curious about Lucas and I and they would always ask if we were a couple. I won't lie and say that Lucas and I didn't flirt, but it was completely innocent on my part.  That aside, along with everyone else, Anastasia and Drizella would push me towards him, especially Drizella. She would always say he was so funny and cute, and would encourage me to date him. Unfortunately, I didn't like him like that and I actually tried to, but I wasn't fully attracted to him.

Well, things got a little weird between him and I once rumors that I liked him started circulating. Side bar: at the time I didn't know about the rumors because I often kept to myself. Lucas heard them and became distant and slightly rude towards me. I distinctively remember this one day when he told me to “shut up” with a look of disgust, and I wasn't even talking to him.


I felt so disrespected and anyone who knows me knows that I don't tolerate disrespect. So I left him alone because at the time I didn't care about who climbed up his butt and pissed him off and had an extremely unhealthy way of communicating.

Well, we didn't speak most of the week but I noticed he was was hanging out with Drizella and another one girl from my hall (we will call her Lucy). Lucy and I did NOT get along and that was mostly because of Anastasia.

Anyways, Drizella and I were closer than Anastasia and I, so I was really confused and annoyed when Drizella started hanging out with Lucas because she knew how disrespectful he was towards me. I saw a couple of signs of disloyalty and jealousy in Drizella which I pushed to the back of my mind but her hanging out with Lucas was something I couldn't shake off.

The weekend came about and Drizella and I finally got a chance to talk, I explained my grievances with her and she apologized. At the same moment I got a text from Lucas asking if we could speak. I wasn't going to but Drizella and Anastasia encouraged me to.


When I finally sat down with him he apologized for being weird. He also stated that he didn't want to give me the wrong impression because he believed I had feelings for him. The fact that he was apologising with such arrogance and confidence annoyed me. This one hour+ conversation was compiled of him rejecting me in different ways as I just sat there frozen with nothing to say. He was delusional.

When the convo ended I was boiling inside with every emotion possible. After I gathered my thoughts I let him know that I DID NOT like him. I don't remember what I said to him that made him take my speech as a challenge but he became friendly again.


Like old times he was always around me, trying to have conversation and inviting me to chill or sit with him in lectures.  Full blown honesty, I liked his company because we laughed a lot and I admit that I may have started to like him a little but I didn't trust him because he was a wishy washy type of dude and I was right.

Lucas and I went back and forth the entire semester, even more after because he eventually admitted to liking me. Due to all the drama Lucas caused, Anastasia and I stopped being friends. And in true disloyal fashion, she started hanging out with Lucy, the girl she claimed not like.

Drizella tried to continue being friends with me but she was always with Lucas, Lucy and Anastasia. Lucas and I stopped talking fully and it was so weird but refreshing. None of those people were solid or real enough to be my friends. I am not perfect, and they were some things I could have handled better, but disloyalty is an irritant to me.  


The semester finally came to an end, and I was so happy that I would be going home soon. During finals week Lucy came up to me, we talked about our issues and she opened up to me about why she acted the way she did. It turns out, Drizella was telling her that I talked behind her back.

I mean it wasn't a lie, I did say things about Lucy. She wasn't my cup of tea. However, I stopped liking Lucy because of something Drizella and Anastasia told me.


That aside, the real tea is when she told me that (1) Drizella and Lucas had a romantic relationship behind my back (2) he believed I liked him (refer to his and I’s first conversation where I froze)  because Drizella told him I did (3) Drizella would tell him lies and he would believe them because she was my “best friend”. 

I remember my stomach sinking and trying not to cry when I heard this. I was heart broken because Drizella knew why Lucas was being disrespectful the first time around and chose not to tell me. She played a role in and allowed me to look crazy over a dude, and almost everyone at our residence knew.


The last thing is that towards the end of the semester Anastasia liked Lucas too. LOL, y'all are probably like let me see this dude. I promise you, ain't nothing special about the homie but I guess he had the juice. He is still a waste man though.

Lesson


If I didn't believe God was sovereign, this story would still trigger me but now I laugh at how petty that all was. God used it as an opportunity to bring unhealthy habits to the surface so he could make me a stronger, better person.


Honestly guys you may have friends as bad as Drizella and Anastasia but just know that God is trying to teach you something. Please don't be a woman who lets your friend look stupid over a dude. Fix her crown and tell her she deserves better.


Don't be a friend who competes over a man. And last but not least, don't be as idiot like me. If you see signs of a bad friend then run sometimes you have to trust your instincts, your guts, I like to call it discernment and conviction. If a person continuously hurts you, run.


Love is not supposed to hurt, if it does, it isn't love. God doesn't want surface level fake love for you. I have more Drizella stories y'all and I can actually go into details. Let me know if you enjoyed this, and I will talk to you guys later. 

- Chimm

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