• Maii

I JUST HAD MY FIRST HEARTBREAK AND I'M NOT OKAY


Earlier this week I was re-watching the movie "Something Great" starring Gina Rodriguez and that's what gave me the idea for today's post (note: I'm not sad or heartbroken, I just love me some Lakeith).


Prior to my first and only ever heartbreak, I always thought that you had to be in love with someone to have your heart broken. Turns out, all you need is a heart, disappointment and an iota of feelings for someone else. I've never been in love because I don't believe in love but ever since my heart break I've been more cautious with who I choose to invest my time in.


When people talk about heartbreaks they always tell you things like “you’ll heal,” "it's just a phase,"“you have to kiss a couple of frogs before you find your prince” or “one day you’ll look back and laugh” but it's rare that people tell you how hard going through one is. Here are some unfiltered truths.


YOU’RE GOING TO BE A MESS


When I experienced my first heartbreak I was A MESS. Not crying for a day or two kind of mess but months of self-pity, never-ending sad songs and binge eating. Hell, some days I didn't want to leave the house or eat (this is rare for me because I'm a comfort eater).


When you watch movies where a woman has her heart broken, she's usually crying with a tub of ice-cream for the first few days and then a month later she's back to her happy self - a few days later she's in a new relationship with her dream man.


The only movie I found to be somewhat realistic was Something Great because like the character Jenny, some days you wake up and think that you're okay because they don't cross your mind, other days you wake up gloomy and feel the pain all over again. Some days you will sing Needed Me by Rihanna as loud as you can and feel empowered, other days you'll belt out Unbreak My Heart by Toni Braxton because you're broken. Or in my case, you'll listen to the same sad song the entirety of a 1 hour bus ride. Yikes.


There will be days where you type texts that you never send but want to, stalk them on social media, play scenes over and over again in your head, and when you realise that it's been days/weeks/months and you still like them, you'll hate yourself for it.

YOUR SELF-ESTEEM WILL BE DOWN THE DRAIN + DATING GETS HARDER


I've never been the confident type but prior to my first heart break my confidence was at about 50-60%. By the time I started dating again, I was sitting at about 5-10% and I always felt inadequate.


The other horrible thing is the anxiety that comes with meeting new people because you're stuck in a bubble where you over-analyse every single text, call or interaction, and if something changes you panic - at times this can result in the sabotage of what would have been a good relationship.


THEY'RE GOING TO MOVE ON AND YOU'LL HATE IT


Uggh. This feeling is the worst. Do yourself a favor and block them when things end or else you'll be stuck watching their social pages from time to time and it's not cute.


YOU WILL PLAY SAD SONGS ALMOST EVERYDAY


God bless my neighbor's hearts for never complaining because my sad song playlist stayed on repeat for what felt like forever. I'll list a few of my favorites at the end of this article - the sad and the salty songs.


YOU DON'T NEED TO GET BACK WITH THEM


Things end for a reason and sometimes you need to let the dust stay as is. The harsh reality is that not everyone you think needs saving is worth saving. Yes it's hard not being able to text, call or hang out with the other person but before you reach out to them, you need to ask yourself (1) do they care about me (2) if we choose to work things out will they change (3) do their cons outweigh their pros (4) is it worth fighting for - in answering this question you need to be honest with yourself.


IT WILL GET BETTER


I know people say this a lot but it does. Healing is a process that you should never rush. I tried to rush the process by meeting someone new and that only damaged me further - in some cases you may end up damaging the other person.


The only thing that will get you through a heartbreak is time and self-adequacy. The second is hard to do because you constantly have to remind yourself that life is unpredictable and you cannot control the actions or emotions of others.


You also need to embrace the hurt and learn to love yourself in ways that you didn't before. Take the time to build a foundation, so strong in yourself, that you're not constantly wondering if you're worth anything. Unfortunately, I can't give tips or advice on how to love yourself, that's something you're going to have to learn on your own.


SONGS LIST


Sad Songs

  1. Too much to ask by Niall Horan

  2. Another lifetme by Nao

  3. Ring by Cardi B

  4. Moral of the story by Ashe

  5. Come see about me by Nicki Minaj

  6. Maybe I should Call by K Michelle

  7. Ex by Kiana Lede

  8. Expectations by Lauren Jauregui

  9. SMA by Nasty C

  10. Fall Apart by Post Malone

  11. Focus by H.E.R

Salty Songs

  1. F*ck it by Eamon

  2. Lookin Ass by Nicki Minaj

  3. Needed Me by Rihanna

  4. Cry by K Michelle

  5. Can't Raise a Man by K Michelle

  6. Like I used to by Tinashe

  7. Medicine by Queen Naija

  8. No more sad songs by Little Mix

  9. Sorry by Beyonce


Feel free to comment down below what your thoughts and favorite sad and/or salty songs are - Maii

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