Updated: Jun 30
You meet someone, you start talking and things get serious. One day whilst hanging out a thought pops into your head, “ask about their body count” it whispers. You ignore it at first but the more you try to ignore it the louder it gets, so you gather the strength to ask the person you’re seeing what their body count is.
They chuckle and say that it doesn’t matter, you chuckle too and ask again. They start listing names whilst trying to remember who they’ve slept with. There was "Felicia, John, Condi, Shaniqua, Mwansa, Nathan, Felistus, Sue, Edna, Phiri...I can’t remember I stopped counting after a ten.” Suddenly, you’re mad because you’ve only slept with one person and that’s them.
In honest fashion, let me tell you the truths that people are afraid to say out loud.
Don’t Ask Questions You Don’t Want Answers To
This also goes in line with the saying, “don’t go looking for things you don’t want to find.” I’ve met and had so many conversations with people who get angry with me for refusing to see their point of view when they get mad at their partner for their body count.
Unless one of those body counts is during your relationship with them, mind your business and don’t be an intern in your partner's past. I know its harsh to say but some things are better left unknown. If you can’t handle hearing a response on a sensitive topic, don’t bring it up. Simple. If you do, be mature enough to not make a big deal out of it.
Women Lie, Men Lie
I’m not generalising, if you feel that my opinion is wrong feel free to leave a comment below.
It may be the 21st century where sexual empowerment is a movement. However, society still has preconceptions that are gender specific. Women get judged for how many men they have slept with or how many men they talk to whereas men get praised for doing the same thing.
While not all men see bagging multiple women as an accomplishment, some men attach meaning to their sex lives because of societal pressures. I’ve met some men who beat themselves down because one of their friends bags like 2-3 girls every time they go out whereas they can’t even get a girl to look their way. As a result, some men have formed the habit of over-exaggerating when it comes to their body count just so they can live up to society’s expectations.
As for women, they lie ALOT, way more than men do about their body counts and honestly I don’t blame them. Ask a woman what her body count is and chances are that she’s hiding a few bodies. Society still acts like women who have more than one body count are non-redeemable prostitutes who have trains run on them 5 times a day - African cultures are guilty of this.
I can’t tell you what someone’s actual body count is but I can tell you that you should get ready to be lied to when you ask the body count question.
Your Body Count Does Not Make You Promiscuous But It Does Form Part of Your Identity
I hate to say it but it’s nothing but the truth. The people that scream sexual empowerment will be the same people that yell that a person has more bodies that a cemetery under the same breath. Take the rapper Khia for example, she has a song called “My Neck, My Back” that has lyrics such as “Lick my ***** and my crack” but went on an Instagram rant to drag the rapper Trina by calling Trina’s coochie an “alley cat”.
Leaving this article you should note two things:
(1) Your body count may not be a big deal to you but it could possibly be a big deal to someone who feels as though they will have to compete with the number of people you’ve been with, and it can bring out certain insecurities that your partner did not know they had.
(2) If you’re going to tell someone your body count, be ready to accept the fact that everybody’s different and not everyone is going to be comfortable or want to be with someone who has a certain body count.
Until next time, it's goodbye from me now - M