Updated: Jun 23
Today's storytime takes place in 2016 - I was 18 going on 19 when my mum decided that it was time for me to not only leave my uncle's house but also move States.
Truth be told, I was hella salty. After arguing with my mum which resulted in us not speaking for weeks, I gave up and agreed to move.
You know how they say that some people walk into your life to either be a blessing or a lesson? Well, my friend Lisa taught me four lessons before I decided to cut ties.
Back to the story - when I arrived at the new place, all I did was have one melt down after the other. The new place was hot, I had no friends and I couldn't afford to dress fashionably because everyone here dresses so relaxed and hippy-like.
After weeks of being friendless, I came across Lisa. When we first met she was pretty closed off but I liked hanging out with her because we were the same age, both African, and she stayed telling me about her hoe-tales and her hoe-tivities, both from her present and past hoe life.
We were two different people but I honestly didn’t mind her hoe stories cause they kept me entertained.
Then came this guy whom we'll call, Mark. Mark was tall, about 5 years older than me, had beady blue eyes, brown hair, a couple of tattoos, and was an honours student.
Before any black people come for me as usual, please note that I live in a place where Africans make up less than 5% of the population, when you include Indigenous Australians, black people make up 30% of the population in the entire State.
Moving on, point is, he was fine as....
When I first confided in Lisa about Mark, her and I had been friends for some months and we were pretty much close friends by then. We did everything together, hang out multiple times a week, and she shared her secrets with me so I had no reason to ever believe that she would be as trifling as she turned out to be.
The first time I brought Mark up in a conversation with Lisa, I was talking about how I had bumped into Mark about 4 times that week, I thought he was cute and wanted to find a way to get to know him. Lisa told me she knew who Mark was because she had not only seen him around campus but on tinder, so she advised me to join tinder.
I was reluctant at first but I figured, aside from being killed and turned into a body suit, “whats the worst that could happen?“ Okay plenty of bad things could have gone wrong but still, I joined Tinder and after a few days of being on it, Mark and I ended up matching.
At first it was awkward and the conversation was a little bit rusty because I had no idea what to say - I was abit shy back then.
Being the "good friend" Lisa was, she offered to help me text Mark - soon the conversation was popping. Mark and I exchanged numbers and soon him and I were making plans to hang out.
FFWD, Mark and I started hanging out and I became comfortable around him. At first Lisa seemed genuinely excited for me and would give me great advice, however, as time went by she started to ask questions like, “why doesn’t Mark talk to me” “why did Mark say hi to you the first time he saw you and not me” “what does Mark like about you” "do you think he genuinely likes you". I didn’t have the answers back then and I don’t have them now. I found her questions to be weird but I paid them dust.
As time went by, she started attending events that Mark would be at and get mad when he paid her dust. It became such a Mark fest that I slowly stopped telling her stuff and started to keep my distance.
I did ask her a couple of times if she liked Mark or found him attractive. She denied it and called Mark ugly and all sorts of names. I side-eyed her then and I side-eyed her another time when she sought advice from me on how to approach Mark's twin brother who was visiting at the time. It made me think "you find Mark to be unattractive but not his identical twin brother?" Hmm.....
FFWD to some time later, she decided to apply to become a campus resident leader (RL) which I found weird because Mark had the same job but I chose to say nothing. Once she was appointed as an RL, her trifling behaviour increased.
You see, whenever Mark was on duty and had time, I‘d hang out with him in the office or his room and we‘d spend time listening to music, chilling and/or chatting.
Once she became an RL and got paired up with Mark, she started to threaten to report me to their supervisors for hanging out in the office or she‘d make some excuse involving their job so I couldn’t see Mark whilst he was on duty. Bear in mind that it was already hard to see each other because Mark usually had class and study group, and work hours were the only time we could see each other without our schedules clashing.
For a person who was supposed to be my friend, she was making my life extremely difficult.
FFWD, after hanging out for some months, Mark asked me if I could sleep with him because he was tired of waiting. I said no for two reasons: (1) I wasn’t ready and (2) I wanted to wait for marriage. When I refused, things became a bit rocky between him and I.
After having no-one to physically confide in, I stupidly opened up to Lisa and she encouraged me to move on cause “Mark isn’t shit and you deserve so much better.”
I took her advice and started going on dates with other guys but would still talk to Mark here and there. Lisa and I started to become close again and I thought it was all good. I figured, as long as she wasn't dipping in my sauce, I was somewhat okay.
One day after seeing Mark, I went straight to Lisa‘s room on campus cause she offered to make me dinner. I love food so why not. During dinner, I went on about how Mark played his guitar for me that night and sang to me. For a person not into romance, I was on cloud nine.
Whilst I was going on about Mark, I happened to mention some tattoo that Mark had gotten but wouldn’t show me. Before I could finish telling my story, she pretty much told me everything from the kind of tattoo it was to how she had been hanging out in his room that week.
Once she said that the room became silent. I felt akalaso kumutima (a sharp pain in chest). I needed a moment to breathe cause I wasn't coping at all y'all.
I then calmly asked her if she had slept with him. She simply smirked and sipped her wine.
Y’all, I will never forgive myself for not fighting her that day and not handing her entire ancestral clan what they deserved. I simply excused myself and went to cry in my room.
See, I should have gotten rid of her there and then. Instead I chose to forgive her because for 4 years she was the only friend and I had and loneliness was a disease.
Lesson of the day: watch your man, then you should watch your friends. Where heffas are pressed, they’ll administer mouth to mouth. The End.